“Some men say we desire to be beautiful and that we want to consort with diverse strange men; also we love lust in bed and often wish to wed. Thus men misunderstand women. Another idea they have is that we want to be seen as young and fresh, not old, and that women can be won through flattery and clever ploys. In truth, you act foolishly. The one thing that we desire of men above all else is to have complete sovereignty, so that all is ours. We use our skill to gain mastery over the most fierce, victorious and manly of knights…”
~ Dame Ragnell, The Wedding of Sir Gawain and Dame Ragnell
for Helping of King Arthur” SFSU translation
I am trying to understand this anger I have been feeling this week. I know I may be carrying it around with me longer than I usually would. I always felt that I am a ‘Warrior of the Heart’. I would choose to focus on what changes I can make and work with the power of love based in the reality in which we live in. I have never been blinded by the illusion of the ‘positive thoughts only’ mindset. But now, I just want to scream. If I do scream, who in power will be listening? Who in power will listen to my anger? Who in power will listen to what I feel is justified rage? Is there someone to listen to my sadness and fear? Who will listen as I call out with sorrow, rage, and anger from the billions of women who have suffered for thousands of years? If they are listening, do they even care? My cries join the collective chorus of millions of other women. Unfortunately, my pessimism scoffs at the hope I am clinging onto right now. Will the chorus of voices even matter in the grand scheme of things? Laws will change. Powers and rights will be stripped away in some places. Women will be forced into even more difficult choices with potentially graver consequences. Once again, we will feel bound, stripped, judged, and vilified over the views of a ‘righteous’ few. The specter of the dark and dangerous past looms once again in the wings. Sadly, it never really went away.
What I can do to change the current course of legal arguments? To vote every few years and to be active seems to be a trivial answer. What it comes down to at this moment, is that I feel powerless. I feel like I have let people down. I feel like my work, my voice, my sovereignty does not matter. I feel like there is nothing I can do to change the restrictive and binding rules that are barreling towards us in a barrage of flaming arrows aimed at stripping away rights for women. I am angry. I am sad. I feel lost. I am afraid. I am confused. I am tired. I am a woman. I am a witch. In this very moment, I can feel the mounting storm. I feel that I cannot do much to stop any of it. I can only raise my arms to the sky and sink my roots within the earth, pulling in power to sustain my energy for the battle that is mounting on a wave of possible harmful change. I must remember – I am a woman. I am a witch. I have the power of change.
The rights of women may not be ‘deeply rooted in this nation’s history and tradition’. Sadly, there are many rights that have been granted since the founding of this nation that are not as deeply rooted in our nation’s history and traditions either. How long will it take for those hard-fought rights to be stripped away? Once the branch upon which we are perched is cut, how long will it take for other rights to fall? This is not hyperbole talking. This is not a fear that seeps into the mind to create panic and division. This is not hysteria. This is the long and hard-fought prize some have longed for, for almost fifty years. Opponents were waiting for the day where they would be rejoicing in the fruit of their labors. Sadly, that day may be fast approaching.
I think I will hold onto this anger for a little while longer. I need to feel all the emotions that are stirring within me at this moment – the anger, fear, sadness, and even rage at times. I believe that it must be made known within me so I can transform it into strength for action and power for my next steps. There is a part for me to play. There is a part for all of us to play. I know that I am not alone in this fight. I will proudly continue to work and take on the mantle of an unruly woman. It is she who will call out and send waves through the masses, creating positive and liberating change so all may have the right to embrace their liberty. May all the unruly women who came before me, stand by my side as I step forward to do my part.
Be well,
Renee Bedard ~ The Whispering Crow
The Whispering Crow 